while i'm thinking about websites and creating art - god it is so miserable trying to use services to Get Paid For My Creative Labor

"users who promote their page this way get 2x more sales!" "if you make posts often, you're more likely to draw in supporters!" "run discount codes, and you'll entice people to buy!" "50 Tips That Will Ensure Growth And Money And dfgjfhdgjdfkgdjghkd"

  1. literally none of this seems to affect anything, in my experience. seriously. for years and years i have put in the effort to cast these Promotional Spells and it does literally nothing. at this point i'm pretty convinced that i was fed lies and that this was all a tremendous waste of my time and energy (and quite literally, sanity)
  2. stop trying to get me to use these websites as a social media network. i don't want to, and i don't think my users want to, either. who am i making these posts for? if people are already familiar with my work, enough to want to give me money, they're going to be seeing my posts elsewhere already.
  3. despite these complaints, i would really like to get paid for my labor in some capacity, especially because i am not in a condition to consistently work a "real" job

it just reminds me of being in college and having to listen to lectures about how business and marketing works, and all of it just sounded like complete utter nonsense to me - is it the fact that i'm neurodivergent and that a lot of these social concepts seem entirely arbitrary and nonsensical to me, or is it truly just made up garbage lies that business people tell themselves? (most likely, it's both.)

for years - i've been posting my art online consistently for well over a decade, longer than that - i have been told the same thing, which is "you'll find your following eventually - it's all luck, and some people are given a lucky break". and i'm sick of just praying to the Internet Gods that my work will get noticed by other people by sheer luck. i'm sick of spending so much time throwing my work "out there", into the vast unknowing void, where it gets swallowed up in an instant, never to be seen by a human being again.

there's a nugget of truth in that mentality, where some people do just get a lucky break out of nowhere. but i resent the idea that i should just toil away at the same thing over and over, destroying my mind and body over time, because all of my hard efforts don't seem to accomplish very much, except for making myself very frustrated and depressed.

the main "consistent" thing that has helped me get my work noticed and people liking it enough to give me tips or buy my prints etc, is... well... interacting in a community and getting to know people. not in a cynical and soulless way, but genuinely learning to come out of my shell more and be less afraid of people. in a way, i guess that is "putting myself out there", but given more direction beyond throwing my art into the abyss and hoping someone catches a glimpse of it.

for the time being, i am just focusing on creating different kinds of art, while leaving drawing open for when my heart wants to pursue it. i spent the vast majority of this year extremely depressed and burnt out and in too much physical pain to focus on making anything. but i've been able to reconnect with drawing more recently, which is nice. i have some ideas for "things" i could "sell", but i feel very strongly about not sanding down my work for "broader appeal". i don't know how much this approach will work, or if it has any sustainability, but it sounds hell of a lot better than the past 6 years of floundering around hopelessly

a bronze gate, with one of its doors opening

the gate can take you back to the previous page.